Non-Dairy Baking experiment #34

I LOVE carrot cake.  The cream cheese frosting really makes it with it's subtle tang and sweet creaminess.  I, however, cannot tolerate dairy products.  No matter how many probiotics I try, no matter what kind of cow milk product I ingest, I always end up with the same abdominal pain that tells me "You should not be eating this!"

I searched the internet for recipes for vegan cream cheese frosting.  All I could find were very basic recipes that called for confectioner's sugar, margarine, and vegan cream cheese.
I will be the first to tell you that yes, vegan cream cheese is pretty revolting.  It tastes waxy and vaguely of tofu, without much tartness to speak of.
After doing some more searching, I found a recipe here for vegan cream cheese itself:
http://ohhmay.com/2010/02/11/i-cant-believe-its-not-cream-cheese/
I decided that I would try to incorporate nutritional yeast into a vegan vanilla frosting recipe from BabyCakes NYC:
http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/vanilla-frosting-erin-mckenna

I have altered the recipe by adding 1 Tbsp nutritional yeast flakes, adding twice as much agave nectar as called for and using almond milk instead of soy or rice milk.  The recipe states that the frosting be refrigerated for at least 6 hours before using.  I'm not sure of the reason for this, but I did taste test the frosting before it went into the fridge and I will surely taste test it when it comes out!
Result:  A bit too much 'texture' for my taste.  slightly grainy.  Can't tell if it's the assortment of powders in the recipe or the addition of the yeast.  Isn't frosting something you're supposed to want to eat all by itself?

Not this one.

Tomorrow: the carrot cake.  Let's hope the frosting tastes better when eaten on actual cake.

DAY #2
This carrot cake recipe came from the Hummingbird Bakery Cookbook, which we carry in the store where I work.  http://hummingbirdbakery.com/
I shamelessly photocopied the recipe and have been planning it's execution for weeks.  I substituted Spelt flour for wheat flour and used canola oil instead of the called for Sunflower oil.  It smelled amazing while it was baking and, having just eaten a piece, is quite tasty.

While still undecided about the flavor of the frosting, I experimented with another recipe given to me by my friend Heather:

1/2 cup raw cashews
1/3rd cup water
1/4 to 1/2 cup agave nectar (depending on desired sweetness)
1 tsp vanilla extract
All blended into oblivion in the food processor until smooth.

To this recipe I added lemon juice, coconut oil, coconut flour, and soy milk powder.  I also added another half cup of cashews, as it was too thin.  I didn't measure, I just kept adding and blending and tasting.  The flavor was much closer to what I wanted, but the texture was too runny and I was just about DONE with making frosting.  So, I refrigerated it, hoping it would set up.  It did not set up.
I used it to frost between the layers of cake, and watched as they slowly slid off each other in one particular direction.  To the freezer with you!

Several hours later, the cake perfectly layered and frozen into place, I decided to mix what was left of the cashew frosting with equal parts of the funky frosting and cover the cake.  A sprinkle of cinnamon, and a few decorative walnuts made it slightly prettier than it was before, but this ain't no show cake.  But, it show is tasty.

My search to fill the void

A conversation between my husband and I last night somehow reminded me of my constant grasping.  Though my Zen teacher Michael has pointed this out many times, and though my ego keeps thinking it has it all figured out, it's still there........a nagging sense of lack. 
Perhaps all I need is more time spent in meditation.  That seems to be the answer to every lingering 'problem'.  Sit with it.  Look at it.  Feel it.  Really be present in your life, without flinching.  Trouble is, I love trying to figure things out.  I thrive on dissecting and analyzing, altering and improving.  It's what makes me good at all the things I'm good at.  It's also what gets me into the most trouble.  It's too bad that writing is not one of the things I'm good at. 
So, this blog will be for me.  Open to the public to be read, commented on, dissed.  But ultimately, just for me.  I haven't written in a journal in a long time, and now is the perfect time to begin again.  I'm in a completely new place in my life, with things constantly changing and what seems to be 'my whole life ahead of me'.
Here goes nothin'.